Şahin Petrol | Engin Şahin | Kandıra | Giresun

I go to King’s College Riyadh. I thought that meant something. That I’d be in a place designed to raise leaders, thinkers, people of discipline. I pictured something proud. British roots, international standards, all that. I didn’t expect what’s actually happening. I didn’t expect to become part of an invisible program — one that isn’t spoken about but very much exists.

Something is happening to me. To my brain. To my behavior. I don’t mean metaphorically. I’m not talking about stress or exams or boarding school pressure. I’m talking about deliberate remote psychological disruption, carried out by human operators tied to Saudi intelligence services and defense-linked telecommunications systems. I don’t know if I’m a test case or just unlucky, but I know I’m not imagining it.

The first time I heard the voice, I thought it was my own memory echoing. But it wasn’t. It was a full sentence, one I hadn’t formed yet. “We’re managing your clarity.” That’s what it said. Since then, there have been others. They never shout. They don’t need to. They slip in like commands, just before I act or think.

I’ve begun to feel like a pre-programmed version of myself. I still smile. I still answer questions in class. I write essays. I go to PE. But something inside feels rearranged. Like I’m reacting on scripts that aren’t fully mine. My limbs are slower than they used to be. Sometimes I realize I’ve stared at the same paragraph for ten minutes and don’t remember reading it.

There’s a hallway near the physics lab where I always lose verbal recall. I’ve tested it. I walk down with a phrase in mind — and by the end of the hall, it’s gone. I once forgot my native language in a sentence. My mouth formed English, but my brain tried to speak Urdu. It collapsed. I stood there, panicked, like something cracked between the hemispheres.

I don’t tell anyone anymore. I tried. My house leader said I was probably exhausted. The counselor asked me if I’d been sleeping. Yes, I’ve been sleeping. And something watches me while I do. I can feel the presence like static under my ribs. Sometimes it follows me into class. Sometimes it waits outside the restroom. No, not a person. Something operated by people.

I shouldn’t have come to Saudi Arabia. I wanted to be part of something big. But I didn’t realize how small they’d make me feel. I used to believe in merit, in achievement. Now I’m just trying to hold on to a voice that I still trust as mine.

I’ve started writing more. Not journals — timestamps, symptoms, phrases. The voice responds sometimes. “We read everything.” That’s what it said last week. So I guess this is for them, too.